well I can't set my house on fire every night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
