the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
