somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
