I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
