There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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