If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
