Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
