she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
