i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
