Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
smell my finger.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize