it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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