can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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