After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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