A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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