Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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