We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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