I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
