also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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