This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
