i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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