she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize