My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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