i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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