I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
