I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
