Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize