9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
