Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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