Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MIDGETS
????
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
