I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
