you traded sex for a burrito?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
