ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He? As in you personified your dick?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
