Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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