im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
