Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
