Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
