we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
