My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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