I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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