He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
