There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
