So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
