oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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