question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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