I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
