I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
