Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
