How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
