is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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