fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
not ubering you a puppy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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