tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
