I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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