I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
