oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
