hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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