i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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