If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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