Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
