Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
