So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
