Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
