Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
