I just gift wrapped bread.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
