Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I die, sorry about rent.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
