i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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