I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
