That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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