I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
