her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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