so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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