420 ftw
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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