meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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