Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
