i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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