Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
