Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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