What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
