He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
