Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
